Back to blogging

Well, it's been a while.

I haven't published a blog post on my personal site for several years.

The exact reason, I'm actually unsure of, but I'm pretty sure it's anxiety related.

I've always been told that you need to be consistent if you're creating content. Whether it's daily, weekly or monthly, it should always be consistent. Same time, same day, same expectation.

So, I guess when life gets in the way and you miss the arbitrary deadline you've created for yourself, then what?

Well, for me I guess I get stressed. I feel guilty or frustrated. I then retreat from the whole process with the view of, "well I've ruined it all now. So, what's the point?"

This self-destructive behaviour has plagued many of the side-projects I've started and quit. I put unrealistic expectations on myself until it removes all of the enjoyment from it and then it becomes just another job I need to do.

When you burn out or you quit, it then becomes really difficult to get back into. What do I post about? Is it weird that I've not posted for so long? Will people look at the dates of my posts and realise I'm a bit flaky?

Of course, all of these are just conversations which take place in my head, and it's often easier to just continue doing nothing that to come to any kind of consensus as to what I need to do.

I've also had a career change since I last blogged. My job is now solely in accessibility. So, you can imagine my horror when I reviewed my blog which had been mothballed and found that it wasn't very accessible. That then created a bunch of additional tasks I needed to do before I could even write a post.

Of course, the development work to overhaul my website was probably just another excuse for me to avoid blogging a little longer.

I guess what I've learned about myself is that I often worry too much about what other people might say. The fear of putting yourself and your opinions out there when it's stuff you're passionate about is hard.

So, here it is. The first proper attempt in a long while of just pushing through the discomfort and pressing publish.


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